My boyfriend has been recently diagnosed with a gluten intolerance. Which lends the question, is gluten intolerance sexually transmitted?

I’ve visited the Keystone State last week (Psst!…that’s Pennsylvania). So of course, the biggest highlight of my trip was the food. Even though I packed a loaf of bread and some pizza crusts in my suitcase, I still knew I would be able to find some GF items in Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh is pretty hip. After all, they have a gluten free bakery titled Gluuteny (www.gluuteny.com ).

I can’t speak to the quality of Glutteny’s goodies because unfortunately I did not visit. According to a certain someone, we didn’t have time. Yet, if you check out their website, you’ll see that you can order their baking mixes from their online store or amazon.com. I will definitely be doing this, but I know it won’t taste quite the same. It’s like when you make your own sandwich. It just tastes so much better when someone else makes it for you. (Just remind that someone to make it on GF bread). 

Now let me get to the reason behind this post.

My boyfriend is from Pennsylvania. Oil City to be exact (where you can’t find GF food; hence, the loaf of bread and pizza crusts). He was raised on wings. Something us West Coasters weren’t. I never understood the passion behind the wing. I just knew as long as it wasn’t breaded or wasn’t doused in some funky sauce I was safe. It might be a meat overload for me, but that is why there are celery sticks.

Portland tries to do wings. It even has its local wing stop. Now that I have tasted Quaker Steak & Lube wings, Portland’s wings just won’t cut it anymore. You wanna know the best part about Quaker Steak? I was able to find their allergen report on its website (Scroll to bottom of page —> www.quakersteakandlube.com/qsl/food.html). So before I chowed down, I found out exactly which sauces I could get all over my face.  

I recommend, 

Classic hot is my favorite! 

The first time I tried dog food was when I was banished to the garage during dinnertime. My parents said if you’re going to eat like a dog then go be with one. Anything to escape the dinner ritual and the barrage of questions that when went with it, I enthusiastically joined our family dog Nugget in the garage. Nugget and I had a give-and-take relationship; I gave him some of my mash potatoes and peas, and he let me take one of his dry dog food pieces. My first impression, after popping the brown kibble in my mouth, was “I’m never doing this again”.

But of course I did it again. The next time, I was in my early twenties with my friend. We went to the feedstore, and after seeing the showcase of locally made all natural treats, I picked up a couple to spoil our next family dog Mocha. I couldn’t resist the dog treat that smelled like Cheez-Its. I had to take a bite. This time around it was a much better experience. Instead of tasting like barf, it tasted just like it smelled. It was delicious.

Since then I haven’t eaten dry dog food or treats. I have, however, inadvertently tried wet dog food. I was cooking enchiladas one night in the kitchen. My dog Linus was assisting me in this process. Every time I would drop a piece of cheese or some ground turkey, he was there to clean it up. While assembling the enchiladas, I took a break to feed Linus his nightly dinner mixture of wet and dry dog food. He eagerly ate it up and waited for more.

With the enchiladas popped in the oven, Linus and I did some more cleaning. I was sweeping the counters, when I grabbed what I thought was a piece of cooked seasoned ground turkey and gobbled it up.

Blech! The worst part was not the taste, but the mushy texutre.  Moments later, with brain neurons firing, it dawned on me what I ate – Purina dog chow.

As a natural GF response, I grabbed the dog food can and read the label.

“Sufficient Water for Processing, Chicken, Meat By-Products, Wheat Flour, Lamb, Liver, Wheat Gluten…”.

Never mind the meat by-products which might disgust a normal person. I honed in on the wheat flour & the wheat gluten. Words that made me shudder. Even though I wasn’t exactly sure what it might entail, I knew that it was one of the first six ingredients and that was bad. I was screwed.

With the wet piece of dog food down my throat, and already making its way through my G.I. tract, there was little I could do. Except sit, wait near the toilet, and never eat dog food again.

Since giving up gluten, I have stayed away from bread. This includes GF bread too. GF bread is one of the hardest things to get use to. I have trained myself so that GF pasta tastes like real pasta, that GF crackers taste like real crackers, and GF brownies taste like real brownies. My brain has forgotten what once was, and has replaced it with something similar.

With bread, I still know it doesn’t taste right. Its as if seed pods silently descended into my sleepy town, and replaced regular bread with GF bread. And before I can stop it, it’s the “invasion of the bagel snatchers”.

That’s why, when my mom made me a loaf of bread from a cookbook she bought for my birthday, I knew I had to share.  This bread is amazing. It’s moist, even after being frozen. Best part is, I don’t even have to toast it to make it stay together and taste good.

I recommend,

Here’s the recipe for White Sandwich Bread from Easy Gluten Free Baking by Elizabeth Barbone: